Friday Date Night Idea

Since it is Friday, I decided to do a Friday date night idea.  July 4th is next week, so I think it would be fun to visit a national historic landmark.  You can find a state-by-state list of them here.  Be sure to check the hours of operation.  End the night with a yummy cool treat.  Sonic has shakes 1/2 price after 8 pm and Chick-Fil-A has a new dessert menu.  If you are feeling extra-patriotic, grab a slice of apple pie.  Cracker Barrel has a delicious Baked Apple Dumplin.  Enjoy a fun night with your sweetie!

Gift Giving 101

Gifts really matter to me.  I enjoy giving and receiving presents.  I love when the recipient of one of my gifts opens it up to find a present that is truly something that is useful and they can tell I put some thought into it.  I try to make gift giving easy on my husband by giving him a list for my birthdays and Christmas.  Even though he does a great job at getting me presents, I know he still struggles to find a balance between giving me the "go-to" gift that has been successful in the past and coming up with something that I will love that shows he put in that extra thoughtfulness.
Each wife is different.  What works for me may not work for everyone.  These are just some suggestions that will hopefully help.
 Birthdays: Unless your wife is a serious DIYer, chances are she won't appreciate the tools that you've been eying for her birthday.  I would also steer away from things related to housework (including appliances) unless she's really been dying for a Shark Navigator, which I actually am.  Ask yourself: What is it that she rarely splurges on for herself?  Perhaps a spa treatment like a pedicure or money for some new clothes or shoes?  Unless you are seriously strapped for cash, give your wife something that is a want and not a need.  For example, a nicer camera to replace her 15-year-old camera that still uses film, a book she's been wanting to read, take her to the chick-flick she's been dying to see.  If you are on a tight budget, then financial security can definitely be a blessing and a wonderful gift, but it will be hard if year after year all she hears is "Honey, I paid down the student loan.  Happy Birthday!"  It would be nice if you would get her something small as well.  One year, when cash was a little tight, my husband got me a small container filled with chocolate (Reese's miniature cups, Hershey's kisses, rolos)  all my favorites.  He knew that I rarely indulged in those kinds of treats and it was a great gift.  Since it was a small container, my hips thanked him too.  Another budget-friendly idea is to take a cute picture of the kids and put it in a nice inexpensive frame.  Bottom line: birthdays are about making her feel special so get her a few gifts that are things she wants, but won't buy for herself.  It would also be great to treat her to lunch or dinner.  And for Heaven's Sake, don't make her bake her own birthday cake!
Christmas: I would say that most of what I said for birthdays would also apply for Holidays like Christmas and Hanukkah.  I would also caution away from deciding not to exchange gifts.  Even if money is tight, you can both find something under $10 to give to the other person, and they probably don't need a personalized pen or one of those 365 rip-a-page-off-every-day calendar either.
Valentine's Day: This is a tricky holiday as some women like the cliche gifts: chocolate, flowers, jewelry, and some women don't.  For me, reservations at a nicer restaurant and one nice gift is ideal.  Even though I'm not a huge jewelry fan, a thoughtfully picked-out necklace would be appreciated.  Valentine's Day is the perfect occasion to be romantic.  An idea would be to do something for just the two of you such as a couple's massage or a ballroom dance lesson.  For those creative husbands, a poem, song, picture, or even a slideshow with pictures of the two of you put with a sweet song would be well-received.  I always remind my husband not to buy flowers on Valentine's Day because they are so over-priced.  If you go the lingerie route, my advice would be to make sure you get something that would be tasteful and help your wife to feel desirable.  If she is a conservative gal, getting her black leather and a whip may not end with the Valentine's night you had planned.
Anniversary: If it is a "big" anniversary, a get away for two is ideal.  Even a staycation with a night at a hotel is a good way to go.  Some hotels even have themed suites like Anniversary Inn.  If it is not a big anniversary, I would still make an effort to have the night all to yourselves.  Have the kids sleepover at Grandma's if possible.  At the very least take her to dinner at a nicer restaurant or a special picnic.  Flowers are an anniversary must as well.  This would be another occasion where a couple's massage or ballroom dance lesson would be appropriate as well as the other creative ideas from Valentine's day.  The great thing is, you don't even have to think up things yourself.  You can always use the internet to get great ideas for cute ways to show your wife how much you love her.
 Final thought: Gifts are not just about giving something material to someone else.  It's about wanting to do something nice for your sweetheart.  You don't always need a holiday or special occasion either.  Bringing her home flowers or a special treat just because is always a great way to remind her that you love and appreciate her.  Some free gift ideas would be to do the dishes or clean the bathroom without being asked.  You could even do a couple things off  that honey-do list.

Communication

We all know men and women are different, especially when it comes to communication. Most wives love to talk. We talk all the time. We share our thoughts and feelings every chance we get.  Husbands however are mostly described to have few words and are not as open with their emotions. This can be very frustrating to a woman in a marriage. When she was single, she had her girlfriends and family to talk to. Now that she is married, she wants to have her husband as her best friend and confidant.  A lot of times if she has been gone all day or has only talked to children under the age of 10, she is counting down the minutes until her husband gets home so she can have a real conversation and unload. But to a husband, this is sometimes very overwhelming. After being gone all day, all a husband wants to do is come home and unwind. Sometimes, husbands do not even have that luxury. A lot of times husbands still have work to do, lawns to mow, children to play with, church responsibilities, and their plates are full.  It is no wonder that communication is in the top five reasons marriages end in divorce.  So what do you do?

Tip #1:  15 minutes of uninterrupted communication a day

• Let your wife know that she is important to you.
• Let her know that you would love to spend time with her and hear what she has to say.  
• Sit down and make room in your schedule when you will dedicate 15 minutes that you can give to just her. (No kids, no interrupting phone calls, no distractions.) You may have to wake up earlier, put a movie on for the kids, or wait 15 minutes to do a project or task you had planned to do. 
• If you need to set a timer so that you are not worried or distracted by time. Lastly, be in the moment.
• Really try to listen, share, and make this a special time for both of you. 

Note: If it is awkward at first, make a list of questions or topics you would like to discuss with her and have her do the same. 

Tip#2:  The little things go a long way

• When you walk into the front door, it means the world to a woman if her husband comes over first thing and says hello and gives her a hug and a kiss.  Even if your children are wanting all of your attention, it will teach your children to love and respect their mom by the way you show your love and respect to your wife. 
• Another idea is to send her text messages, e-mails, or leaving her little notes at home while your at work, just letting her know that you love her. Remember, just because you are married does not mean you have to stop flirting and courting. Your messages can also help her stay motivated throughout the day. It can be as simple as "Honey, you are such a great wife and mom." or "I am the luckiest man in the world."   

Tip #3 Listening

A huge part of communication is listening. When we tell someone something, we want them to listen and understand what we are saying. Here are some suggestions.

• Turn off distractions, even thoughts in your own mind. 
• Face your wife and look at her. 
• Lean in and show intent and concern. 
• Comment on some of the things she is saying. For example you could say ,"Oh, really?", "I see", or "That's interesting".  
• Don't interrupt!  Many men want to jump in and solve her problems, but most women just want to vent. If you have an idea that might help, save it until she is done. Then make comments like, "What ideas have you thought of?"  "May I suggest something that might help?" even something like "I have never been put in that exact situations, but I would love to think about things that I could do to help."
• And lastly, you can use Active Listening. Active Listening is when you check for your understanding. So when she is all done you could say, "So what your saying is..." or even "In other words, ...." or "Let me get this straight."  Paraphrase what she is saying so that she knows you are listening and you know you have understood her clearly.

Doing these steps will help validate your wife's feelings. It will make her feel loved, special and appreciated.  It will help her see that you are still wanting to have a relationship with her and you value her as your partner.