Communication

We all know men and women are different, especially when it comes to communication. Most wives love to talk. We talk all the time. We share our thoughts and feelings every chance we get.  Husbands however are mostly described to have few words and are not as open with their emotions. This can be very frustrating to a woman in a marriage. When she was single, she had her girlfriends and family to talk to. Now that she is married, she wants to have her husband as her best friend and confidant.  A lot of times if she has been gone all day or has only talked to children under the age of 10, she is counting down the minutes until her husband gets home so she can have a real conversation and unload. But to a husband, this is sometimes very overwhelming. After being gone all day, all a husband wants to do is come home and unwind. Sometimes, husbands do not even have that luxury. A lot of times husbands still have work to do, lawns to mow, children to play with, church responsibilities, and their plates are full.  It is no wonder that communication is in the top five reasons marriages end in divorce.  So what do you do?

Tip #1:  15 minutes of uninterrupted communication a day

• Let your wife know that she is important to you.
• Let her know that you would love to spend time with her and hear what she has to say.  
• Sit down and make room in your schedule when you will dedicate 15 minutes that you can give to just her. (No kids, no interrupting phone calls, no distractions.) You may have to wake up earlier, put a movie on for the kids, or wait 15 minutes to do a project or task you had planned to do. 
• If you need to set a timer so that you are not worried or distracted by time. Lastly, be in the moment.
• Really try to listen, share, and make this a special time for both of you. 

Note: If it is awkward at first, make a list of questions or topics you would like to discuss with her and have her do the same. 

Tip#2:  The little things go a long way

• When you walk into the front door, it means the world to a woman if her husband comes over first thing and says hello and gives her a hug and a kiss.  Even if your children are wanting all of your attention, it will teach your children to love and respect their mom by the way you show your love and respect to your wife. 
• Another idea is to send her text messages, e-mails, or leaving her little notes at home while your at work, just letting her know that you love her. Remember, just because you are married does not mean you have to stop flirting and courting. Your messages can also help her stay motivated throughout the day. It can be as simple as "Honey, you are such a great wife and mom." or "I am the luckiest man in the world."   

Tip #3 Listening

A huge part of communication is listening. When we tell someone something, we want them to listen and understand what we are saying. Here are some suggestions.

• Turn off distractions, even thoughts in your own mind. 
• Face your wife and look at her. 
• Lean in and show intent and concern. 
• Comment on some of the things she is saying. For example you could say ,"Oh, really?", "I see", or "That's interesting".  
• Don't interrupt!  Many men want to jump in and solve her problems, but most women just want to vent. If you have an idea that might help, save it until she is done. Then make comments like, "What ideas have you thought of?"  "May I suggest something that might help?" even something like "I have never been put in that exact situations, but I would love to think about things that I could do to help."
• And lastly, you can use Active Listening. Active Listening is when you check for your understanding. So when she is all done you could say, "So what your saying is..." or even "In other words, ...." or "Let me get this straight."  Paraphrase what she is saying so that she knows you are listening and you know you have understood her clearly.

Doing these steps will help validate your wife's feelings. It will make her feel loved, special and appreciated.  It will help her see that you are still wanting to have a relationship with her and you value her as your partner.