Roles and Responsibilities

All of us were shown in our families of origin how to do things a certain way and who should do them. Because all of our families are different, this could cause a lot of conflict in marriage if they are not discussed and agreed upon.

• Is it the husband's or the wife's role to take out the trash, pay the bills, do the dishes, laundry, etc?  
• Do you share certain roles or are they strictly delegated to one person? 
• Do each of you feel that you have the right amount or is one person carrying more weight than the other?
• What happens if someone doesn't fulfill their responsibility? Are there consequences?
• What happens if the other person is sick or out of town?  Is the other person expected to step up and take on all the responsibility or does it get left undone until the person is back?
• Are these roles permanent or will they change over time?  

Just like a business, each family member needs to know what their roles and responsibilities are so they can be accountable for whether or not they are doing their part.

It is also helpful to know the other person's expectations.  An example of this is who mows the grass. I have a really good friend who majored in Landscape Architecture. She is out on her lawn mower every week and thoroughly enjoys it. However, I have another friend who her husband would be mortified if she even thought of mowing the yard and she would be so upset if that was expected of her .

So what should you do?

Discuss the questions above with one another. Write down all of the different roles and responsibilities you can think of in your every day lives and begin to divide the roles. (It is nice to put it on paper, so both of you can see if someone has a bigger load than the other)  If there are some differences, talk about why you thought the way you did and if it is something you really want to stand your ground on or if it is something you can let go of.

Back to the example of my friend. I know her husband and I can tell you that he grew up thinking it was going to be his job to mow the yard, but he soon learned that was something she had looked forward to since graduating that he wasn't going to fight her on it because it wasn't worth fighting over.

If there is something you both enjoy doing or something you think is absolutely terrible, then try alternating every other week and put a reminder somewhere that lets you know when it's your turn to do it.